THE ALBATROSS.....

(begun Saturday 21st November 3.40am...)

I was 15 when we first moved to Sherwood from what were then known as the corporation flats over in Kenneth Gardens... Coincidentally, a few weeks back there was a piece in the papers on a local author, who's actually written a book on how the poor whites struggled to survive living in those cheerless blocks....
M told me a while ago that nowadays it's mostly students that live there, and they're called government flats and have fallen into total decay... *shrugs...
So, when my folks managed to buy what I assume was a corporation subsidised free-standing home in Harris Crescent, it was a huge step up in the world. The tiny 3 bedroomed houses down that end of the street were all built using much the same plan, but we thought it was a palace.. *grins..

Higher up were the larnie homes and Cullingworth Road was included here.. I've no idea how many years the Hall Caretaker has lived there but I guess it's been quite a while... He's a widower now, and I've told you before that he's an angry man... There's a cellmast planted a few hundred feet from his boundary wall and it's been there for some years.. Whether or not his quick temper has anything to do with it I couldn't say... I get along with him just fine and used to take him bags of watercress bought at the Farmer's Market, until one day he said kindly that only his daughter ate it... She's since moved out, and you can see from the chaos inside his home that his maid can't keep up.... (I vaguely remember a connection between watercress and living near a cellmast. Google?)

He showed me where the thief had got in while he slept. Such a small entry point torn in the trellidoor (sp), that I struggled to accept how his TV had been pushed through unscathed. He said he must have been watched that day and had had a steady stream of vehicles coming in to book the Hall for the festive Season... The thief would've known that there was a substantial amount of cash lying around as a result... *sighs....
Sure, he took foolish chances and was lucky he didn't wake up and get hit on the head or worse... Only his telly and the money were taken, and I'm betting that as an honourable man he will replace the money to the last cent from his own meagre savings...

Course you know what I'm going to say next.... Yep... I'm again going to insist that there are invisible cameras tucked onto many of the Cullingworth Road streetlights and that someone watched the theft take place. That someone listened to the Caretaker's breathing and called the shots to the thief... Judging from the size of the entry hole, the thief was most likely to have been little Morris, still workin for da Man.... *spews...
You're by now familiar with the sick sense of humour at Dodge City? The mock-suicide enacted for my benefit? The fact that Harry's house is now a suspected base for drug runners?

I've blogged Morris and his skills enough to have Tweedledumb consider it would be a fine joke to have him do the job. All it took was the widower's objections to the SAPS Braai being held in the Hall, for the theft to be arranged and executed....*gags....
It's worked even better than expected too.. The old man says he's now packing up and leaving after all these years.... Do I hear jubilation as the Rotten Apples gleefully high-five each other's grubby hands?
I told you how much easier organised crime would be, using the new technology.. The thefts from Sue the Books home? You're having trouble buying the audio-monitoring part? How many of you were privy to the Toady Show and read with childish delight as Colin Balliram reported on the snores and farts in our home? You think that's a one off? An isolated case? Fools! *snorts..

If the Monitor had heard the old man stirring, he would've signalled the thief via his cellphone (on vibrate?) and maybe things would've turned out differently... I've every reason to believe that it was my own Controller doing the audio-monitoring sometime between 10pm and 1am that night, when the widower woke to go to the loo and discovered his loss....
C'mon Bali, roll those eyes for me now.... There you GO! Though I guess fewer people buy your false howls of injured outrage these days, after the hilarious account of the 'theft' of your very own Mitsubishi rodeo...*laughing...

With the amazing new technology in place, there's less chance of a cockup occurring during an organised burglary... If Rajie's home had been wired way back then and the Monitor had heard her old man wake up, it's likely the thief would've been warned and headed back out of the window smartly. Instead of which he took Alan's gun off him and in the struggle both mother and son were wounded...*sighs... Despite this, Koobair achieved his aim and the traumatised family moved out of Sherwood. Getting the old man up in Cullingworth to decide to leave has been a doddle, and without bloodshed either! *applauds the Piggies....

Any of your mates got that home ear-marked for themselves already? Don't do yourselves a mischief as you jostle each other for first dibs... Buying that house gives new meaning to the term In the Shadow of The Mast....*grins... You want to risk it? Go ahead...*shrugs..

I studied the picture and willed him to turn around and look at me... He hated having his photo taken right then, and it screams from every pore... You wouldn't want to mess with the owner of that stony face that's fosho.... I tried doing the guilt trip thing after I'd read the Political Science Grad's pm last night, but failed..
What seems to have been missed is the fact that I have Colin Balliram the Pervert watching EVERY single move I make online and off....
You simply have to realise that he would've read the initial pm regarding the Mnet program, well before I put it in a blog.. He would've reported back to the Strategist with speed there and then, so by the time I'd blogged it, the 'wrong' people were already well aware she'd mentioned it to me.. Does that make sense? God, I hope so....*blinks..

The 'wrong' people are 10 steps ahead all of the time and certainly won't have to wait for my blog to keep up... You've all been fed such a load of Bullshit over the years, I don't blame you for not paying proper attention. One thing however, is for sure...
Our PC is OWNED by Colin Balliram, and there's not a click I make online that isn't followed by our own Chickenman... Any and every pm I receive will be read by him as I open them... Why do you think I've not overdone the pm option over the years? A pm from me can lead to trouble for you...*sighs...
Even the Rocket-Scientist doesn't get it, when he wrote me and said to not mention certain stuff... I cringed and replied that his mails were already being read by my ZombieMaster anyway, but clearly he thought me deranged...*shrieks...

I'm the effing Toad that MUST walk alone FFS! The friendliness and kindness shown to me in small ways over the last two weeks has been magic, but it must stop now... You simply can't tell me ANYTHING unless you accept that el Monstro is sharing the same words that I read...*blows it's nose loudly...
By the time I put stuff in a blog, for the most part the 'wrong people' are way ahead of me already. If you persist in your kindness, I could prove to be the Albatross that sinks your ship. Be warned....

It's getting light out and the wind is already in the gumtrees... It looks as though the Courageous Couple are indeed planning to do a runner, and I'm frankly surprised at my own resulting sadness... Ten years is a long time in anyone's book...
It's going to be fun though, speculating just how far they're going, to relocate.... Just across the Highway like Khaled? Much further afield?
Their relationship with the Abuser has doubtless been highly lucrative and enjoyable to boot... Has el Monstro been made a better offer? *looks at Jannie..
I've said all along that my Master's skills as a Cracker ensure that he will be highly sought after.. Now more than ever...
His achievements in causing me physical pain will remain a well-kept secret sold only to the highest bidders.. Whether it would actually work on everyone is doubtful, but I can pretty much guarantee you'd get good results from the Rocket Scientist..
He too claims to have had his natural immunity cooked off over the years of exposure to microwaves....
I'm sure that if he sat down at our PC, Bali could boil the dude's face with ease and send excrutiating pain to his wrists? Don't demean yourselves with the hairy old psychosomatic crap here either...*cackles...
Trotting out that abused and over-used term has me questioning whether you're really the Intellectuals you'd have me believe...*lawls....
You have to know that whatever it is our Network Admin fills our home with, it's been increased of late... Whether it's because he's soon to depart from No. 6 and he's angry about it, I wouldn't know...

So why am I not delighted at the prospect of him moving away? Despite knowing him to be the author of so much wickedness, I repeatedly offered him an olive branch, but it was scorned and derided each time... *sighs..
Will Missus C manage without my support? You find that question amusing? However far they go, I doubt that Colin Balliram will ever be more than a click away from me, but he would now prefer it that I will no longer be able to tell you of his physical and lame attempts at stealth... *laughing... Will he manage to nail me seriously before they leave? He's having a darned good try folks, so wish me luck... *waves..

Peace...

---oOo---

Saturday 21st November 2009 at 1.50pm.