MAYDAY........

(begun 1st May at 3.55am.....)

The Rotten Apples latest theatrical production was as slick and professional as its last.... You remember the award-winning hostage drama where Penny hoisted the Masters two little ones to safety over my wall and was subsequently treated like a criminal and spitefully abused? *applauds...

Before I'd sat down at the PC to type my previous blog, I'd seen Missus Courageous' white Merc pulled in at the bottom of their drive and Balis red 4x4 pick-up truck parked at the top, inside the gates...*shrugs...
It must have been about 2.00pm when I heard Pepsi and Cola making a fuss. Only the pick-up was left on the driveway at that point and Nobby was standing by the closed gates wagging his tail at someone I couldn't see....
One of the Twins began crying. A sound oddly enough, I've never heard either one make before, so I took off up the top to see who was at their gates.

The killer dog that caught little Pepsi a few weeks ago was taking its ease on the road outside No. 14. I checked and Bali's gates weren't open, and a big black people carrier was pulled up right next to them, partly hidden by all the shrubs they've allowed to grow... Someone was standing just tucked out of sight by the gate and I could hear him talking steadily....Bali? I flew back down and heard another bloke call up to the gate but I kept going and fetched my cellphone and sent a text to the killer dogs owner to say their dog was out...

An almighty banging began at Bali's at that point and the house alarm went off....(was it 3 or 4 weeks ago I told you how he'd stood with a hammer whacking his gates noisily? *cackles...)
Neither the banging nor the house alarm were out of the ordinary, and I merely remarked to the GameWrecker that usually it was Khaled's alarm that went off, so they've just changed their plans somewhat.... A few minutes later I was on my way back up to do the gates for the GameWrecker to leave, when I heard the red 4x4 start up, so I took the stairs two at a time to see the square black car now facing down the road and the red truck pulled up right behind it... *shrugs.... They took off with a wheelspin and then had to wait for the traffic on Jan Smuts before taking a left at great speed...*yawns....

Next thing I see Bali's gate has been left open and Basil is walking up the verge muttering... He said that Missus C had phoned them shortly before, to say they were going away overnight and needed their number... Oddness, as they had at least the one required to make that original call.... I asked B whether she'd taken to phoning them regularly when they went out and he said no, with a smile.....
So why this time and why just an hour or so prior to the red devil truck being nicked?

May I guess that Missus C will say she just 'had a feeling something was going to happen' ? In reality, did the Captain of Immense Courage and Bravery TELL her to phone Basil?
See, without that call being made there's a slender chance we all would have bought it....
It's the damned phone call that makes the entire scenario a huge FAIL! *cackles...

Anyways, back to the drama..... Petrified that Pepsi and Cola would hurtle out through the broken open gates I ran down and found them sitting subdued by their kennel... Then the ADT car pulled up and the uniformed young man just sat there..... *puzzled....
We told him of the banging and the two cars pulling off and I went back down with him to find the bricks next to the front door jamb had been knocked out and the door standing open...
The two of us walked right round the house but didn't go inside.
I caught the Twins and took them home for safety sake.... *shrugs...

The GameWrecker meanwhile had phoned Missus C who said they were halfway to Pietermaritzburg and would turn around and come straight back.... *sighs.... I didn't hang about for the cops to arrive, but went home to enjoy the Twins visit to fat Sophie....*beams...

Yeah, I know you think I'm biased, but the sheer flamboyance and yes, theatrics involved, made for a comedic offering par excellence! I don't know what they did to one of the Twins to make it cry like that, but I swear I wouldn't have paid any attention at all to the two guys otherwise...*chortles...

I heard them both and just thought it was Bali and a mate...*shrugs... There'd been a black people carrier type vehicle sitting on the verge just below No. 14 a few days ago.... I can't even recall whether it had been during the day or night... Doing a practise run? I'd thought it to be a visitor, but as always with hindsight, I guess it was the hirelings checking out their modis operandi to be...

There are a couple of points I'm uncharacteristacally going to keep to myself right now.... *winks.. Did the thieves make off with more than just the red truck? Is it just me or do you agree that despite his close ties with Dodge City, the Chicken King is targetted more than most when it comes to crime? *curious...
Will his insurance cover new gates? By nightfall he had managed to get them closed (impressive) but you all know how easy it was for the 'thieves' to push them apart and slide in....
I can't help but think if he was an ordinary, pleasant neighbour who didn't go out of his way to be a thug, he could get away with the odd insurance scam or three.... AS it is, there's absolutely no doubt that yesterday's drama was just another setup... *sighs...

Will the replacement vehicle be an upgrade on the red 4x4? Who in their right mind would steal such a glaringly obvious vehicle? *shrieks... Who will be doing the respray job? Someone not very far away I guess.....*grins... That give-away fire-engine red would look good covered in a deep coppery bronze colour don't you think? Or maybe even a turquoise blue? *laughing...

I must concede to a fleeting pang of sympathy for Missus C.... Why I couldn't say, as she is fully invested in this nefarious behaviour.... She made the damning phone call did she not? Even so, there are many things SlimeBoy doesn't choose to share with her to his own cost and I guess that's what irritates me... She gives him 100% in return for what FFS?!

It was a pleasure to see how the family kept arriving all afternoon to offer their support, and I loved how blase their eldest sounded when she picked up her mama's phone later...*grins... Sadly, it won't be long before little Dimples regards me as the Wicked Witch of the West as well, but in the meantime she is still a merry smiling child and a credit to her mum....*shrugs..

Do the Ballirams take offence at having their private lives shared with all and sundry here, as they've shared our lives with you down to the minutest detail over the years? One would hope not, as what's sauce for the goose after all.....
The difference is that they are both unfamiliar with the word TRUTH but I guess you've discovered that for yourselves and don't mind in the least.... After all, the guy is a Cracker legend in this small pond is he not? *falls over laughing....

*The solid grey cloud cover this morning ensures a steady high-pitched scream in my ears. The Peregrine falcon goes after the feeding doves relentlessly.....*

Have most of you been persuaded that my blog is no more than an Ode to Revenge, easily as scurrilous as the vendetta our Controller embraces? *chortles... More fool you!
It's never been much more than a futile attempt at self-preservation believe it or not...*shrugs...
I simply don't have the capacity for hate that comes so easily to Colin Balliram... Go figure..

I overslept this morning and when I finally went out onto the verandah there was no amazing acoustic display laid on. A handy trick to ensure that the Twins can be wound up in the wee hours... Pfft...

Peace julle...

---oOo---

Saturday 2nd May 2009 at 9.08am.